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Do you ever have those random, mid-day thoughts about your identity?
I do.
A lot.
And maybe it’s because that’s the type of person I am. I constantly over think things into the ground. I try to analyze every angle of the situation to be sure that whatever way the cookie decides to crumble, I will have a thought-out plan of attack.
I know, I’m crazy. Or maybe I have split personalities. I wouldn’t be surprised.
Anyways, the thought hit me at about 9:32 a.m. on a Thursday morning. Dog-tired from being up at 4:30 a.m. to train two back-to-back clients, I was surprised my brain was even functioning, let alone spitting out deep mind games. I chalk that up to the starbucks latte I sucked down in less than 10 minutes.
Back to my identity, or lack thereof.
What the hell am I doing? Was my first thought (chill out, Katie..the caffeine was talking). I chilled the f out and reasoned with myself.
Ok, what am I doing here, at this very moment? My answer: answering emails, typing away and solving some (minor to me, major to others) work conflicts.
Next question. Why are you doing this? Well, wtf. Realistically? To pay my bills. To finally be able to afford a place with a dish washer and controllable heat/air.
Dang. Kind of mad at myself for that answer. That sucks. I am no fun. I never wanted to be that person. But do we really have control if we are or if we’re not? I guess that’s a question I’m still trying to figure out. Sure, I love hearing about the people who quit their job, travel the world and are total free birds. But that’s not me. Remember? I have to have scenarios planned out for every possible outcome. I’d go crazy. But that’s beside the point.
The real point I’m trying to make is this. What are we doing and why are we here. That’s it. Two questions. Doesn’t matter where you’re at, what you’re doing or how you go there. And the enlightened answer came to me. If I can answer that question with either of two answers, I’m doing ok. I’m right where I need to be.
What are we doing?                         Bettering others lives / Bettering ourselves
Why are we here?                        To better other lives / To better ourselves
As long as I’m bettering myself or bettering others then I’m fine. That’s my identity. That’s why I’m here. If I can do that in some form or fashion, I’m thriving and everything else – the work meetings, the endless emails are all welcomed sacrifices I can and need to make for the sake of my identity and for the benefit of myself and others.
And to say this all came to me before 10 a.m. on a workday!? Phew. Again, I blame the caffeine.
Be well.

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